Death is Not the End
by Stargone
Summary: This is a series of short stories on death, love, and moving on. The summaries are above each story. Rated T for violence and death.
1. Story 1

**Story #1:**

 _The Ripple and the Spark_

Ripplepaw remembers a family torn apart by death, but most of all, she remembers the apprentice who saved her life. But when he visits her from a limbo realm that's between StarClan and the Dark Forest, she realizes he was not who he seemed...and she's the only one who can help him move on.

* * *

When I was younger, just a tiny kit with newly-opened eyes, there were four other kits in the nursery.

They were older than my sister and I, and had been born long before us. They were three toms and a she-cat: Whitekit was the smallest, and always seemed sickly. His first brother was Fernkit, the gentle, gray-furred tom. The other brother was Sparkkit, bouncy and joyful, with a thick golden pelt. And their sister was the ever-bossy Maplekit, the leader of their little gang. I remember watching them from the entrance of the nursery, seeing the dark brown tabby she-cat marching around with Sparkkit behind her, followed by Fernkit, and finally, tiny Whitekit.

They were always so happy and bright, and to me, they seemed perfect.

Then, one harsh leaf-bare, Whitekit left. It was the strangest thing to me. One day he was there, and the next, he was just…gone. Just like that. There was no more little white fluffy kit trailing after his brother and sister, his nose constantly crusty. His pitiful mewing didn't wake the whole nursery when he had a nightmare. There was a tiny, kit-shaped hole everywhere he used to be.

Sorrow lay over the camp like a thick blanket of snow in all the days that followed. No one spoke of Whitekit, but all were thinking of him. The sadness that radiated off of everyone was almost painful. And even worse, Maplekit, Fernkit, and Sparkkit stayed in the nursery all day long, wallowing in their grief.

I missed watching them bound across our camp, persistently cheerful. Now they seemed so hollowed out.

Not long after that first tragedy, they became apprentices and moved out of the nursery. Some of their light returned. They would talk cheerfully, train and hunt together, and go out on patrol with their mentors. They'd discuss battle moves and eat together, and for the first time in a while, they were _happy._ But every now and then, they'd glance back, like they were missing something. Or someone.

I watched them every day from the nursery, glad. They seemed perfect again.

And then came the rogue attack. The rogues stole prey from our fresh-kill pile and fought anyone who stood in their way. I remember how terrifying it was to crouch in the nursery with my sister Ivypaw and listening to the sounds of the battle raging outside, the screeches and yowls and heavy pawsteps.

When the battle was finally over, we'd won.

But Fernpaw was dead.

After that, Maplepaw and Sparkpaw were never quite the same again. Maplepaw constantly had a haunted look in her eye, and Sparkpaw was always snapping at everyone angrily. They weren't perfect anymore. And it scared me. They'd been my idols for so long, and I'd looked up to them. And now they were broken.

One day, shortly after the battle, Sparkpaw went off alone into the woods to hunt and didn't return for four nights. The night he did return was the night Ivypaw and I left the nursery for the first time.

When Sparkpaw pelted into camp, screeching that the rogues were attacking again, we froze. We were terrified and vulnerable. My eyes connected with Sparkpaw's, and he gazed at me in horror. Then he turned around, right in front of us, and as the rogues flooded in, he slashed them down, one after the other, defending us, his claws covered with blood and clumps of fur. He hissed, defiant and strong.

Around the camp, after that attack, the word _brave_ echoed in every ear. The clan all said it. _Brave, brave, brave. He was so brave._

He was brave. I will never forget that day, and how brave Sparkpaw stood in front of us to shield us from harm, saving our lives. I will never forget how, during his last moments, he gazed at me with his round amber eyes, terrified.

I will never forget the day I watched Sparkpaw die.

* * *

 _It was dark. The sky was pitch black. The scent of sickness and fear tickled my nostrils, and I lifted my head, ears pricked, padding forward silently. I was following these scents, moving through the bushes and between the trees. I was pretty far from home, but not scared in the least. A strange fire burned in my belly, giving me strength and driving me onward. With each stealthy pawstep, I grew closer to where the other cats' scents were coming from. I heard voices now, cats speaking to each other with desperation in their voices. They spoke of failure. Of food. Of death. But I ignored it all. I followed the stink of these cats, shouldering my way through the tall grass, creeping with my belly to the ground. I scanned the cats huddling before me, searching for one in particular. Then I saw her. She stood apart from the rest, her fur creamy white and her eyes as green as the grass that surrounded me. Her tail tip was twitching, and she kept glancing back at a dark hole in the ground—her den, I guessed. She was sitting apart from the others._

 _I pounced._

 _She screeched in alarm. There were yowls of anger from all around me, but I just sunk my claws into that dark brown fur, shredding it apart to reveal the blood and bone underneath. The she-cat beneath me screamed and begged for mercy. I didn't listen. My claws sliced through her stomach, blood pooling out beneath her, and she fell still and silent, her eyes misty. I felt a brief moment of triumph. Then my belly started to churn as I stared down at her._

 _Then the cats around me began to screech in fury._

 _I ran._

 _The smell of blood followed me as I pelted through the forest, afraid for my life. The stench of death clung to me, chasing me no matter how fast I ran, and I couldn't get away from it. I yowled at the top of my lungs, hearing cats racing after me, hissing, snapping at my heels, hunting me down…_

 _Forever._

I jolted awake, gasping.

"Ripplepaw, stop kicking me," Ivypaw mumbled from her nest.

"Sorry," I whispered back, shivering.

I'd been having this dream every single night for a long time now. I'd never told anyone. I wished it would just go away. Sometimes I worried that I'd keep having it forever. That it would never stop waking me in the middle of the night.

I got up and padded out into camp for some air. There was a cool wind blowing, ruffling my fur. The only cat out was Maplesong, sitting by the entrance, staring out into the forest, her long brown fur swaying gently in the wind.

I watched her, feeling sad. Poor Maplesong. She had no one now. No family, no friends, no mate. Everyone avoided her. No one knew what to say around her.

I walked toward her, and she turned. When she saw it was me, she gave me a curt nod. "Hello, Ripplepaw."

"Hi Maplesong." I settled down next to her.

"Couldn't sleep?" she said.

I put my chin on my paws. "Nightmare."

Maplesong nodded in understanding. "I see."

I sat there next to her as the sky turned pale gray and the dawn arrived.

"You know," said Maplesong, very quietly, "sometimes, I…I think I can hear Sparkpaw's voice."

I lifted my head. This was the first time I'd heard her mention him since his death.

"At times like this—dawn, or evening, when the sun is rising or setting…I think I can hear him calling my name."

I twitched my ear, listening as she fell silent. I thought I could hear him too now. "Maplesong, remember me," he whispered.

Then Maplesong glanced over at me and let out a sad little laugh. "But of course, that's silly. I'm just imagining things. He's gone. He's never coming back."

With a strangled noise, Sparkpaw's voice dwindled away to nothing.

I lowered my head. Just imagining things. Of course. No cat could come back from the dead.

I rose to my paws and padded back to the apprentices' den.

* * *

My mentor Bluerain announced that day that tomorrow we would have our warrior assessments. I was so excited—it felt like me and Ivypaw had been apprentices forever. Bluerain took us out hunting so we would be ready.

By the time the day was over, I was exhausted, and nervous. What if I failed my assessment tomorrow? What if Ivypaw became a warrior, but I didn't?

I paced in the apprentices' den, unable to sleep. As I did, I remembered my talk with Maplesong the night before. I thought of Sparkpaw, and how he'd never gotten to become a warrior. I sighed. I pictured his round, amber eyes, wide with fear.

"Ripplepaw, I knew you remembered me!"

I opened my eyes to see those very amber eyes staring back at me.

"Sparkpaw?" I gasped.

"Ripplepaw, please," he meowed. "You have to help me."

"Wha…" I backed away. "No. This can't be real."

Sparkpaw shook his head frantically. "Stop! Don't say that!" He gazed down at his golden paws, which were starting to fade. The fade crept up his legs.

"What's happening?" I asked. As I watched him and realized he was real, the color slowly began to come back into his legs.

He let out a sigh of relief.

I couldn't stop staring. "But Sparkpaw, you died. I—I saw it."

"I need your help," he said. "No one remembers me alive, they only think of me as dead. And some barely think about me at all any more! If everyone forgets me, I'll disappear!"

"No one disappears in StarClan," I said, confused.

He hung his head in shame. "But, Ripplepaw…I'm not in StarClan."

I stared at him.

"It's not like that!" he hurried on. "I'm not in the Dark Forest, either. I'm in…some other place." His eyes took on a haunted look. "It's…it's like a no where place. There's nothing there…nothing except—" He shuddered and closed his eyes—"the last things I ever did…they're just replayed, over and over."

I tilted my head. "But the last thing you ever did was…save me. Is that really so bad?"

Sparkpaw closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "That's not the only thing that happened. Have you been having the dream I sent you?"

"You sent that?" I mewed, shocked.

He nodded. "I…that's the last thing I did before I died." His voice was heavy with shame. "I killed that she-cat. She had kits, too…I heard her talking about them. She was afraid they were going to starve to death. They didn't have enough food, _that's_ why they stole prey from us. But she killed Fernpaw. I wanted to make her pay." A fire lit up in his eye. "How dare she take him from me?" he snarled. "I needed revenge."

I took a step back. "Sparkpaw, this isn't you."

The fire in his eyes died. His tail drooped. He lowered his head. "I know. I was just so angry. And now I can't go to StarClan."

"And you think I could help you?" I meowed in disbelief.

"You remember me, the real me, the alive me," he explained. "I need you to help me redeem myself. Help me do something great!"

I shook my head. "Like what?"

"Anything!" he said desperately. "Please, you have to help me! I don't want to fade away forever!"

I blinked. "Talk to your sister. Or, or, I don't know. Look, I don't have time to think about this right now. My warrior assessment is tomorrow!"

Sparkpaw hissed. "This is more important than some stupid warrior assessment!"

I took a step back, shocked at the fury in his words.

He calmed down. "I mean—I only meant we have to hurry. I don't want to fade away. I need to do something good. Please help me."

I took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll help."

"Promise?" his eyes were narrowed in suspicion.

"Promise," I said solemnly.

"Good. I think we should go talk to my sister. I want her help, too."

I nodded, and we padded out silently and snuck into the warriors' den. We found Maplesong's nest, and I nudged her. "Maplesong. Wake up."

She yawned and opened one eye. "Ripplepaw? What is it?"

"It's your brother," I said.

"My brother?"

"Yes," I confirmed. "Sparkpaw."

"Sparkp—?" She sat up, her fur bristling. Then it fell flat. "Ripplepaw, he's dead."

I glanced over at Sparkpaw. He gave me an encouraging look. "Well…I know. But, he visited me."

Maplesong's eyes grew round. "From—from StarClan?"

I hesitated. Sparkpaw was shaking his head. But I couldn't tell Maplesong that her brother wasn't at peace. It would hurt her. "Yes."

"No!" he hissed furiously, claws unsheathing.

I took a deep breath. "He said you shouldn't remember and be sad. He said you should be happy. And…don't think of when he died, but hink of when he was alive."

She smiled sadly, her eyes full of sorrow and pride. "He sounds so wise."

"Stop!" Sparkpaw screeched, sounding desperate. "STOP! Tell her the truth!"

"This is what she needs to hear," I whispered to him.

Maplesong purred, resting her tail on my shoulders. "Thanks Ripplepaw."

I smiled. "You're welcome."

"I guess it's time for me to let go, huh, Sparkpaw?" she meowed.

"No!" he screamed. "No! Don't let go! No!" He looked down at his paws. They were still visible, and he seemed relieved. "Ripplepaw, you promised!"

"She's not forgetting you," I murmured, "she's remembering you."

"But not in the right way! She needs to remember the real me!" he said. His eyes burned into mine. "Then she'll see me, like you do!"

I lowered my head. "She is remembering the real you, Sparkpaw. The problem is, _you_ don't remember the real you. You're selfish. You're cruel. And you aren't Sparkpaw anymore."

He snarled. "I'll kill you!" But as he leapt toward me, he disappeared.

"Are you okay?" Maplesong asked. "What were you mumbling about?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." I stood and padded back to the apprentices' den, my heart feeling heavy. What if I'd just helped him move on, but not to StarClan?

When I fell asleep that night, I didn't have the dream.

I never had it again.

* * *

I was out on my warrior assessment, stalking a mouse. I padded forward slowly, my tail twitching, my eyes locked on the tiny creature.

Suddenly it looked up and scurried away.

"Fox dung!" I cursed, and sat back, disappointed. I should have been able to catch that mouse. My worries about never becoming a warrior came rushing back.

Then I heard a scream.

I stood up and ran in the direction I'd heard it coming from. I knew who it was. My sister Ivypaw.

I skidded to a stop in front of a small ledge that dropped into a creek. "Ivypaw?" I shouted, terrified. I didn't see her anywhere. "Ivypaw!"

"Here," a weak mew answered, and I rushed over to the edge of the ledge. She was hanging there, her claws buried in the damp moss. It was slowly tearing away from the ledge. "Help me," she whimpered.

"Just—just hold still," I meowed, trying not to panic. "Don't move." I looked around in search of a stick for her to grab. "What happened?"

"I don't know," she gasped. "I was just hunting, and then something pushed me, and I screamed, but my mentor didn't come…I'm so tired," she sobbed. "My claws hurt."

"Just hang in there!" I couldn't find a sturdy enough stick.

I felt eyes, watching me. I turned sharply to see Sparkpaw. So he hadn't gone to the Dark Forest. Yet.

He was staring at me, just staring, with huge amber eyes.

"Sparkpaw? Help me find a stick!" I said.

Slowly, he shook his head.

"I asked you for help." His voice cracked. "I asked you for help. You said you'd help me. You promised. But you're a liar."

"I'm sorry!" I meowed desperately. "But it wasn't you! You weren't yourself!"

"You saw all of me, right before I died," he said. "You saw everything in my eyes. So even though we didn't know each other all that well, you still knew me better than anyone. So I went to you for help. But you didn't help me."

"I wanted to!" I said.

"Ripplepaw, who are you talking to?" Ivypaw asked. "Please hurry. The moss is tearing."

"I couldn't save my brother, when he died," Sparkpaw continued, advancing. "I wanted to. But I couldn't. So instead I did the only thing I could. I got revenge." But he didn't look happy about it. His amber eyes were huge and sad and angry. "Now I'll get revenge on you too. You'll see what it's like to lose a littermate. You'll feel my pain." His voice was dull and hollow. His fur was matted. I could see his bones, he was so thin.

"You'll feel my hunger. You'll want revenge. You'll want to kill the one who did this to you." A horrible, leering smile spread across his face, one that didn't reach his eyes. "But I'm already dead."

I closed my eyes. My heart was pounding. "Sparkpaw, I do want to help you. But I don't know how. And if you aren't the Sparkpaw I know, then I can't help you go to StarClan."

"I don't care anymore." His voice sounded hysterical. "I just want to make you _suffer."_

He scraped at the moss my sister was clinging to.

"No!" I cried, and dove forward, grabbing her scruff as she started to fall. But she was too heavy. I slid down after her, my mouth full of her fur.

The last things I saw before I hit the rushing water were Sparkpaw's two glowing eyes.

Then the water surrounded me, and I lost my grip on Ivypaw's scruff. There was no air, and the water swirled around me, spinning me in circles until I no longer knew which way was up, and which was down. I gasped for air and choked on a mouthful of water. I tried desperately to find something to hold onto, but there was nothing. Blackness licked at the corner of my vision.

I closed my eyes. _Help me,_ was my only thought.

And then suddenly, I was being dragged out of the water. A cat had a grip on my scruff and was paddling me to shore with firm, steady pawstrokes. His thick golden fur was weighing him down, but he just kept swimming, and eventually, he dragged me onto the sandy bank.

I coughed up water and gazed up at the apprentice who had now saved my life twice.

"I'm sorry," he said, shivering and damp, his amber eyes remorseful. "I'm so sorry."

"Ivypaw?" I asked in a small voice.

His face grew determined, and he dove back into the water. But not before I noticed that the tip of his tail was fading into black smoke.

"Sparkpaw, wait!" I called, but he was gone.

I lay on the shore and waited until he returned, dragging my sister. She was coughing and heaving and vomiting up water, but she was alive.

"Thank you," I gasped, leaning my head against her flank. "Ivypaw, are you okay?"

"Ripplepaw," she mewed hoarsely. "Sparkpaw saved me."

"I know," I whispered. "I know."

He bowed his head. His paws were turning to smoke now.

"Sparkpaw?" I said.

"I'm moving on," he said softly. "To the Dark Forest."

"No! But you saved us!"

"It already started, before that." He sighed. "It's for the best. I'm dangerous. I deserve it."

"No you don't," I said firmly. I closed my eye and pictured him when he was alive. "Remember, Sparkpaw?"

"Remember what?" he asked.

"Remember how you used to march around the camp with your siblings? Remember how you used to train and hunt and play with them? Remember how you used to live?"

Sparkpaw nodded, purring happily. "And we'd always share our catches with each other and boast about who would be the best warrior. And we were always there for each other."

I opened my eyes and saw that his smoke was started to twinkle. Almost like…stars.

"And we'd tell each other jokes and vow always to help each other. And Fernpaw was always such a worrywart, and Maplepaw was so bossy, and Whitekit was so cute and funny. And our mentors were amazing, and Mom and Dad were so proud of us."

Behind Sparkpaw, I could see a tiny white kit and a gray tom, smiling at each other, their pelts full of stars.

"I remember the taste of squirrel, and how the first thing I ever caught was a sparrow, and I remember telling Maplepaw I'd never leave her, after Fernpaw died." At this, he broke off, looking sad. "But I did. I was wrong. I shouldn't have tried to get revenge. I will remember that. Always."

Half of his face had disintegrated into stars. He smiled at me, his eyes widening as he noticed the cats who had stepped up to stand on either side of him. "Whitekit. Fernpaw."

"Are you ready?" Fernpaw meowed.

Sparkpaw looked at me, his eyes twinkling. "Yes."

And he vanished into a swirling starry breeze, and floated away.

 _Good-bye, Sparkpaw,_ I thought.

I heard a purr. _Good-bye, Ripplecreek._

I smiled.


	2. Story 2, Part 1

**Story #2:**

 _Death Berry_

Berrypaw has never fit in with the other apprentices. So no one is surprised when she receives her first sign from StarClan, and becomes a medicine cat apprentice, and is happy. But when she meets Russetfeather, a young warrior who visits her from StarClan, everything changes.

* * *

"Ha! Got you, Berrypaw!"

Berrypaw sighed. Stonepaw was pinning her down with one big gray paw, looking triumphant.

"Very good, Stonepaw," his mentor said brightly.

Berrypaw waited for her mentor to say nothing. She wasn't disappointed. She sighed again. She was completely worthless at battle training.

Stonepaw leapt off of Berrypaw, smugly puffing out his chest.

Berrypaw lay on her back, gazing up at the sky. That cloud looked a bit like a cat…

"Berrypaw! Get up!" snapped her mentor Ashclaw.

Berrypaw got to her paws, scowling. "Okay, okay, keep your tail on!" She walked over to him.

He cuffed her around the head. "You never do anything right," he muttered grumpily.

Berrypaw sighed. It was true. She was the laughingstock of all the other apprentices. "I _know,_ Ashclaw. I'm sorry." Really, she wasn't sorry. She was tired of trying to be someone she wasn't. She glared at Ashclaw, scowling. He glared back.

"Well, come on," he muttered, flicking his tail and beckoning for her to follow. She did, still scowling, dragging her paws. She hated Ashclaw. He was such a mouse-brain. And he didn't like her, either. As they padded to the camp, she could feel his glare burning into her back. She frowned. He always seemed to be mad at her.

They entered camp. After having a bite to eat, Berrypaw curled up in the apprentices' den, feeling miserable.

 _I will_ never _be a warrior,_ she thought, tucking her nose beneath her tail and sighing.

"Hey, Berrpaw!" called Stonepaw, padding in and sneering at her. "Today's battle practice was _too_ easy! Next time we should bring Splashkit," he added, "I bet even she'd be more of a challenge than you!"

Berrypaw ignored him, even as her denmates, Brightpaw and Seedpaw, laughed. She closed her eyes and curled up a little tighter. _Go away,_ she thought. _Please?_

They fell silent, their voices fading away, and she felt relief wash over her. But then she also felt blades of grass, prickling her paw pads, and her nose. She opened her eyes and lifted her head. She was in the middle of a wide-open, sunny field, with wildflowers waving in the wind all around her. She gasped.

"W-what?" she meowed aloud. "What happened?"

A laughing golden tom with amber eyes was chasing his littermates. He waved his tail cheerily at her and then bounded away. To her left, two mates were sleeping together. On her right, a tall black familiar-looking she-cat was padding toward her. "You're in StarClan," the she-cat mewed. "My name is Darkflame, and I'm Spiderwillow's mother."

"Spiderwillow, the medicine cat?"

Darkflame nodded.

"You do look similar," Berrypaw observed.

Darkflame laughed musically. "Yes, we do. I'm so proud of my daughter. She had done so much for her Clan. And she will continue to do so. But," she purred, her eyes growing brighter, "I think she needs an apprentice."

"Who?" Berrypaw wondered. Then she gasped. "You can't mean _me?"_

Darkflame smiled. "Of course I mean you. You are…different from the other apprentices. I think this is your path. When you wake up, go to Spiderwillow's den and tell her about this. I will try and leave her a sign."

Berrypaw beamed. She could hardly wait. She had a feeling that being a medicine cat was exactly what she was meant to do.

Darkflame purred and touched her nose to Berrypaw's forehead. "Good luck, Berrypaw."

"Thank you, Darkflame! Thank you so much!" Berrypaw cried, and then her eyes opened. She sprang out of her nest, not caring that it was the middle of the night. She trod on Seedpaw's tail on the way out of the den, and he hissed at her. But she was too happy to care about that, either. She ran straight to the medicine cat's den.

"Spiderwillow! Spiderwillow!" she yowled. Her paws hit something squisy and furry and moving, and she leapt back.

"Mmm! What! Whoizzit!" Spiderwillow scrambled to her paws. "Who's hurt?"

"No one!" Berrypaw cried. "I just had a dream. From StarClan!"

"Berrypaw?" Spiderwillow's green eyes narrowed. "Is that you?"

"Yes," Berrypaw panted, "yes, it's me!"

"You seem excited," Spiderwillow purred, amused. "Well, tell me about this dream."

"I saw a cat who said she was your mother. Her name was Darkflame."

Spiderwillow's eyes widened slightly. "Go on."

"She said she was very proud of you, and that you're doing great stuff, and you'll keep doing great stuff for a while, but she thinks you need and apprentice, and she picked ME!" Berrypaw said this all in one breath, bouncing up and down and grinning. She hadn't been this excited about anything in a long time.

"Hm." Spiderwillow's voice was gentle. "Berrypaw, being a medicine cat is a big commitment."

Berrypaw stopped bouncing and became solemn. "I know."

"You can't ever have a mate or kits," Spiderwillow reminded.

Berrypaw nodded.

"And you need to deal with very sick and injured cats. And," she continued seriously, "sometimes they die, and there's nothing you can do."

Berrypaw hesitated. But then she responded with equal seriousness, "But you also can save cats. And that's what I want. I don't want to fight, I want to heal."

Spiderwillow smiled. "Okay. If you're sure."

"Absolutely," said Berrypaw firmly.

The next day, Spiderwillow discovered her stock of death berries was practically overflowing.

* * *

Ashclaw was very happy to be rid of his apprentice—however, there was no end to his bragging. He was trying to make everyone belive that somehow, it was him who was the reason for Berrypaw's sign and medicine cat apprenticeship. She snorted to herself from where she was sitting in the entrance to the medicine cat den, chewing on a sparrow. That was ludicrous. How could he have possibly influenced StarClan's choice?

"Berrypaw!"

"Coming!" Berrypaw hurriedly swallowed her last few bites of sparrow and hurried over to Spiderwillow's side.

"Can you sort these herbs? I promised Breezedust I'd check on his mate."

Berrypaw rolled her eyes. Daisypetal had just discovered she was expecting kits a few moons ago, and now her mate, Breezedust, was going crazy with worry.

"I know," Spiderwillow sighed. "Toms."

They shared a grin, and Berrypaw nodded. "Yeah, I'll sort these." She began separating the yarrow from the coltsfoot and water mint.

"Thanks." Her mentor quickly ducked out.

Berrypaw was carefully sorting the herbs when suddenly Seedpaw streaked inside. "Where's Spiderwillow?" he panted. "Stonepaw's hurt!"

Ashclaw and Stonepaw's mentor carried in the gray apprentice, who covered in blood.

Berrypaw gasped, horrified. "Spiderwillow's out—" But there was no time to fetch Spiderwillow. Berrypaw grabbed a pawful of cobwebs and wadded them up, heaping them onto the gaping wound on Stonepaw's neck to stop the bleeding. He whimpered.

"It's okay," she said briskly. "You're going to be okay." She removed the already-soaked wad of cobwebs and slapped on some more. "Just stay calm. Here, have a couple of these." She nudged some poppy seeds toward him, just a few to ease the pain, not enough to make him sleep. He licked them up, wincing.

Brightpaw rushed in, wailing, "Is he gonna die?"

"Quiet," Berrypaw commanded, and shockingly, everyone fell silent. She peeled off the cobwebs and got more ready. She chewed up some dock leaves and marigold into a poultice, spat it onto her paw, and spread it over the wound gently. Then she but the cobwebs over it. Stonepaw whined in pain.

Just then, Spiderwillow arrived. She pushed through the cats and gasped at the sight of Stonepaw. "What happened?"

"A hawk grabbed him!" cried Brightpaw.

"He almost got taken, but he fought it. He was amazing," said Seedpaw.

Spiderwillow peeked under the cobwebs. "You did very well, Berrypaw. I think he'll be alright."

Berrypaw nearly burst with pride at her mentor's praise. But she gazed down at Stonepaw in worry. He could've died. She could've done something wrong…

Spiderwillow's tail tapped her shoulder. "Go get something to eat and then rest. You did a great job."

Berrypaw nodded and did as Spiderwillow said.

* * *

Berrypaw opened her eyes. She was in a bright, warm place, with grass beneath her paws and leaves above her head. The sounds and scents of prey filled the air.

 _What am I doing out in the forest?_ Berrypaw wondered. _Did Spiderwillow ask me to gather something for her…?_ But try as she might, Berrypaw couldn't remember. And besides, this didn't look like any part of the forest I'd seen before. She turned in a small circle, frowning.

"You're dreaming," a warm, friendly voice meowed. She whirled around to see a young, russet-colored warrior with a fluffy tail and a white blaze on his chest. He was sitting neatly on a fallen log with his tail wrapped snugly around his paws, his green eyes sparkling.

"Oh! Hello," said Berrypaw, surprised and a little embarrassed. "I'm in StarClan?"

He nodded. There was something about the gleam in his eye that made her heart leap. "I'm Russetfeather."

"I'm—"

"Berrypaw," he interrupted her, "I know. I've been wanting to meet you for a while. I'd heard Spiderwillow got an apprentice, and I was curious…but you haven't come here often."

"Well…I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you sooner," she said. "So you know Spiderwillow?"

"Oh, yes," he said. "I'm the reason she wanted to become a medicine cat. I was her best friend, but then I died of Greencough."

"Oh. I'm sorry," said Berrypaw uncertainly.

"Oh, don't be!" he laughed. "It was a long time ago. I hardly remember it." He jumped gracefully down from the log and padded toward her. "I hope to see you more often."

"You—you don't have a prophecy for me, or anything?" she asked.

He drew back slightly, looking apologetic. "No. I'm sorry, you're right I shouldn't bother you if it's not important."

"No, that's not what I meant," she said quickly. "It's just, well…" She hadn't thought any cat would've taken time out of their life to see her. She smiled. "…it's nothing. I'd be glad to visit you while I'm asleep. Anytime."

"Really?"

"Definitely," she said firmly.

He purred. "Thank you, Berrypaw."

Her heart quivered. "You're more than welcome."

The last thing she saw bfore she awoke were his green eyes, sparkling at her.

She woke up feeling oddly giddy. She climbed out of her nest and shook out her long white fur. "Spiderwillow?"

The long-limbed black she-cat got up, stretching. "What is it, Berrypaw?"

Berrypaw opened her mouth, but then hesitated. Why should she tell her mentor about this? This was private. It was between her and Russetfeather. No one else needed to know about it.

"Nothing, really," she said. "Do you need me to sort any herbs today?"

Stonepaw was better than he had been yesterday, and was healing quickly. He was a little grumpy, being cooped up inside the medicine cat den all the time and not being able to go out and hunt or battle with Seedpaw and Brightpaw. But he helped Berrypaw sort some herbs, and was much nicer to her now that she'd saved his life.

When night came, Berrypaw was swept into dream, where Russetfeather was waiting.

"Berrypaw!" he meowed cheerfully.

"Hi, Russetfeather," she purred. "How are you?"

"Bored," he admitted. "There's not much to do here." He padded over to her. "Tell me about your life," he said eagerly. "How are things in the clans?"

So Berrypaw told him about everything. Her life and apprenticeship, the hawk that had attacked Stonepaw, the border squabbles, the prey-stealings, the catmint shortage…everything. He listened with interest to every word she said. Never had anyone paid attention to her so dutifully like that.

When she reached the part about her saving Stonepaw, Russetfeather sat up straighter and stared at her in open admiration. "Wow. Darkflame did right, choosing you as the medicine cat apprentice."

Berrypaw felt a little embarrassed. She scuffed her paw along the ground and smiled shyly. "Thank you."

By the time she was finished, it was time for her to go.

"I'll be back soon," she promised, and her heart ached at the thought of leaving his company. She scolded herself, reminding herself that they'd only just met. But somehow, she felt as though she'd known him for many moons. It was so easy to talk to him—and he listened, too, and shared his own stories occasionally. He was funny, he was friendly, he was kind. And he was smart, too, and not scared to share his opinion on things. Not scared of _anything._

As nights passed, Berrypaw began to feel as though her days were dreams, and at night was when she really woke up. Her dreams were the only thing that seemed to matter anymore.

It wasn't long before Spiderwillow noticed.

"Berrypaw, something's up.

"Hmm?" Berrypaw looked up from the herbs she'd been "sorting". In reality, she'd been staring at them, thinking of Russetfeather.

"You haven't been yourself recently," said Spiderwillow with a frown. "Your mind always seems to be somewhere else. Yesterday you put the yarrow in with the borage, and you tried to give Seedpaw blackberry leaves for the thorn in his paw!" She was starting to sound exasperated.

"I—I did? I'm sorry, Spiderwillow." Berrypaw hung her head, ashamed. "I just…I guess I wasn't paying attention."

"And that's what worries me!" Spiderwillow snapped. "You've been so forgetful. It almost seems like you're sleepwalking!"

Berrypaw looked up at her mentor guiltily. _Sometimes it feels that way, too,_ she admitted silently.

Suddenly it dawned on Spiderwillow. "You're in love."

Berrypaw shook her head quickly—too quickly. "No, of course not!" She wasn't—was she?

"Don't deny it, I can tell. I don't know how I missed it before." The medicine cat narrowed her eyes. "Who is it? Stonepaw?"

"No way!" Berrypaw wrinkled her nose. _Ew._

"Then who? I know you're in love with someone, Berrypaw." Spiderwillow began to pace, looking angry and also pained. "I thought you understood this, Berrypaw!"

But at that very moment, her lecture was cut off by a yowl of, "They're coming! The kits are coming!"

Spiderwillow and Berrypaw's eyes locked. Spiderwillow's gaze clearly said, _We'll deal with this later._ Berrypaw, understanding, nodded curtly. They bounded out and went into the nursery. Daisypetal was moaning in pain. Berrypaw ran and fetched a stick from outside for the queen to bite.

"Is everything okay?" Daisypetal's mate, Breezedust, shouldered between them, making worried exclamations.

"Everything's fine," snapped Spiderwillow. "It would be better if you just went outside."

"No, I'm staying with my mate," Breezedust mewed stubbornly.

Berrypaw suddenly had an idea. She darted back to the medicine cat den and brought back quite a few poppy seeds. "Here, take these," she offered. "They'll help you feel calmer."

Breezedust quickly lapped them all up. He was asleep in minutes.

"Good one," Spiderwillow meowed, her voice still a bit tense. She turned her attentions back to Daisypetal. "You're doing great, Daisypetal."

The queen moaned loudly.

Soon, the first kit slipped out. But something was wrong.

"The blood," Berrypaw mewed quietly.

Spiderwillow nodded, and with a flick of her tail, they both ran back to the medicine cat den.

Spiderwillow turned to her stores of herbs, and then stopped. "Berrypaw, where are the raspberry leaves I asked you to gather?"

Berrypaw opened her mouth. Her jaw hung there for a second. "I—I don't know," she stuttered.

"Go get some, now!" Spiderwillow demanded.  
"B-but I don't know where they are!"

Spiderwillow hissed, her eyes ablaze. "I'll go get them. You stay with Daisypetal."

"But—"

"Go. Now!"

Berrypaw nodded and ran to the nursery. She set her paw on Daisypetal's flank. "You're doing great," she meowed, trying to copy Spiderwillow's calm, comforting tone. But her voice turned shrill and shaky.

Daisypetal let out a heart-wrenching scream. Berrypaw started to feel shaky all over. "You're fine, you're doing fine," she repeated in a panicky voice. The second kit slipped out. Berrypaw began licking the two kits with firm strokes of her tongue, but they didn't move. Both dead.

Daisypetal screamed again. _Come on, Spiderwillow, come on!_ Berrypaw thought. "You're gonna be okay," she meowed aloud. "Just hang in there."

But then, the last kit slipped out, and Daisypetal fell still.

"No!" Berrypaw choked out. "No, no! StarClan, _no!"_

Berrypaw's stomach turned over in sorrow and horror. "No," she sobbed. Then she saw the tiny ginger kit, and she began to lick it, quickly and roughly. After a moment, the kit began wriggling. It was alive. "Shh," she whispered to it as it squealed. _Songkit,_ she thought in her head. _You are Songkit, little one._

Spiderwillow rushed in, but she was too late, and she realized it at once. She dropped the herbs she was holding and bowed her head. "Daisypetal, find you place in StarClan," she meowed softly.

Berrypaw huddled around the tiny Songkit. "Spiderwillow," she whispered. "He's Songkit."

Spiderwillow looked over at the kits, two dead, one alive. "Songkit," she murmured. "I think it's the right name, Berrypaw."

Berrypaw nodded, too choked up to speak. She licked Songkit. He squealed again.

 _It's my fault,_ she thought numbly as Spiderwillow took the kit away from her. _I was supposed to collect those raspberry leaves. I wasn't paying attention. I should have been paying attention to Spiderwillow. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a medicine cat apprentice after all._

* * *

She dreamt of Russetfeather that night.

The moment she spotted him, she rushed forward and buried her face in his fur.

"Oh, Russetfeather, Daisypetal—she—"

"I know," he whispered, leaning into her. "She's just arrived. It wasn't your fault, Berrypaw. She knows that. We all do."

"Russetfeather, you are a great friend," she whispered.

He stiffened slightly. "But just…just a friend?"

Berrypaw paused. She leaned back and saw apprehension and hesitation on his face.

"No," she said. "No, you're right. You're more than just a friend."

He purred. So did she. She stretched up and touched her nose to his. Then she buried her face in his chest fur again. He set his chin on top of her head and let out a little sigh. Berrypaw smiled. "I love you, Russetfeather," she whispered.

"I love you, too," he murmured into the fur between her ears.

* * *

Berrypaw was playing with Songkit and Stonepaw in the center of camp. It had been two moons since Daisypetal's death. Berrypaw had still not forgiven herself for it, no matter how much Spiderwillow tried to insist that it was not her fault.

 _Of course it was my fault,_ she thought bitterly, _and Spiderwillow knows it. She just doesn't want me to feel bad._

Songkit squealed with glee as he pounced on Stonepaw's twitching tail. Stonepaw smiled and gave the tiny kit a gentle cuff around the ears. "He's adorable, isn't he?"

Berrypaw nodded, gazing at the small ginger kit. He stood and padded over to her, purring. "Mama," he said.

Stonepaw laughed as if it was a joke, but Berrypaw felt a catch in her throat. This kit would never know his real mother, and it was all because of her.

But she felt something else, too...love. She leaned over and gave him a lick on the head. "No, I'm not your mother," she said gently.

He shrugged his little shoulders, as if to say, _It's all the same to me._ Then he bounded back to Stonepaw to try and catch the gray apprentice's twitching tail again. "Papa," Songkit giggled, rubbing against Stonepaw's side, then reaching for his tail again.

Stonepaw and Berrypaw shared a glance. They both smiled.

Berrypaw stood up. "Keep an eye on him," she meowed to Stonepaw, trying to sound firm. Stonepaw nodded, still grinning, swishing his tail away from Songkit's paws.

Berrypaw padded into the medicine cat's den. "Spiderwillow," she said quietly, "I'm…I'm not sure I'm supposed to be a medicine cat."

Spiderwillow sat up with a jerk. "Nonsense, Berrypaw! Daisypetal's death wasn't your fault!"

Berrypaw flinched. "I…I should have gathered those raspberry leaves," she whispered.

Spiderwillow sighed. "It's as much my fault as yours, Berrypaw. I should have made sure you gathered those leaves. I should have been faster gathering them myself. Listen, Berrypaw, my mother chose you for a reason," she continued gently. "And I trust that."

Berrypaw smiled, her spirits lifting. "Thank you, Spiderwillow," she purred, padding over to touch noses with her mentor.

Spiderwillow smiled back. "No, thank _you._ My mother was right. I needed an apprentice. You've been like the daughter I could never have." There was a brief instance of wistfulness, and Berrypaw realized that maybe Spiderwillow had wanted a family of her own, once. It made Berrypaw think of Russetfeather. Her smile grew wider as she did. She couldn't wait to see him again tonight.

Over the moons, she and Russetfeather had become even closer than before. She looked forward to her nights with him, and still felt as though her days were dreams…but not as much.

Russetfeather always believed in her, and encouraged her. Without him…well, without him, there'd be no reason to live. At least that was how it felt. Without him there to tell her that she could do anything she put her mind to, that she was an amazing cat, that she shouldn't give up…without him, she'd be lost. She closed her eyes and pictured him, with his sparkling green eyes.

"Berrypaw?"

Berrypaw opened her eyes. "Sorry. Yes, Spiderwillow?"

Spiderwillow ran her tail down her apprentice's back. "Nothing," she murmured, but the look she gave Berrypaw seemed to say, _You are my family._

Berrypaw blinked warmly. _And you are mine,_ she tried to return with her eyes. Berrypaw's parents had died when she was very young, and she'd always wished she'd had someone there for her, like Seedpaw had Breezedust. Now she had someone. _Family._ And…now she had Russetfeather. And Songkit. And…maybe even Stonepaw. Her heart swelled. _Family._

But…something was missing, she realized. She had Spiderwillow, she had Songkit, and she had Stonepaw. But Russetfeather was so far away. If only there was a way for him to come here, and live again. Then her heart would be complete.

* * *

"Russetfeather, I want you to talk to the leader of StarClan."

Russetfeather laughed. "There is no leader of StarClan," he meowed.

"Then—then talk to someone who's been here a while," Berrypaw said. "I want you to ask them if you can be reborn."

Russetfeather paused. "What are you saying?" he said slowly.

"I'm saying I can't take it anymore," she said in a rush. "I miss you in the daytime. I used to feel like my nights were when I was truly awake, when I was with you. And my days were the dreams. But I was wrong. They're just missing something. You."

Russetfeather purred shakily, curling against her. "I wish there was a way, Berrypaw, but—"

"But there is! It's been done before. Cats have been reborn." Her heart felt like it was being torn into pieces. He couldn't say there wasn't a way. He _couldn't._ There had to be a way. Life would never be complete without him.

"I'll…I'll ask about it," he said, but he sounded uncertain. His ears flattened back against his head.

"Thank you," she meowed, breathing out in relief. She touched her nose to his ear gently. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Russetfeather…I need you."

He bowed his head in understanding. "I know." He gazed at her with affection and admiration. "You're the greatest cat I've ever met."

She laughed, flicking his nose with her tail. "Don't tease."

"I'm being serious," he meowed.

"It's not true, Russetfeather, there are millions of other cats out there who are greater."

"Not to me," he said softly. "I'm being completely honest."

She smiled, leaning her head against him. "And that's why I love you."


	3. Story 2, Part 2

Spiderwillow and Berrypaw walked side by side through the trees, scenting the air. They were searching for catmint. Berrypaw hadn't seen any yet, but she had spotted a large berry bush.

"What about those?" she meowed, pointing toward them with her tail.

"No, we have enough to last us many seasons," said Spiderwillow. "I received some in a sign from StarClan. The sign that said you should be my apprentice."

Berrypaw padded over, giving them a sniff. She paused, thinking. "Er…death berries, right?"

"That's right," said Spiderwillow. "When do we give them to cats?"

Berrypaw paused. "…never?" she ventured.

"Only when a cat is in great pain and suffering, and they're going to die anyway," Spiderwillow explained.

"Oh." Berrypaw nodded in understanding. "Okay." She made note of it. Then she spotted something beyond the bush. "Spiderwillow, is that…?"

"Catmint! Good, Berrypaw!" Spiderwillow hurried forward to gather the catmint into her jaws. Berrypaw purred, proud of spotting the herbs. Some of the cats in camp had started coughing, and Spiderwillow was worried. She wasn't absolutely certain if it was just a cold, or if it was worse than that…but she wasn't taken any chances. She seemed very stressed. Berrypaw often had to remind herself that her mentor was just worried (after all, Spiderwillow's best friend had died of greencough). But sometimes it hurt to be snapped at by a stressed Spiderwillow. Berrypaw did her best not to show it, though. She was glad that right now, her mentor was in a good mood.

They made their way back to camp. As they entered, Stonepaw rushed up to them (he was fully healed by now) and gasped, "Spiderwillow, it's Brightpaw! She's coughing!"

Spiderwillow's ears flattened, and she tensed. She dropped most of the catmint at Berrypaw's feet. "Go put this in the medicine cat den," she snapped, and then bounded off after Stonepaw.

Berrypaw flinched a little, picking up the catmint. She padded into the medicine cat's den and sorted away the catmint.

Songkit padded into the den. "Berrypaw!" he squeaked. "Look, Berrypaw! Seedpaw taught me the hunting crouch!" He demonstrated.

"Very good!" Berrypaw meowed encouragingly, licking his tiny head. He smiled, then started coughing.

Berrypaw felt a catch in her throat. "Oh, no," she whispered. "Spiderwillow!" she yowled.

"Yes?" Spiderwillow padded into the den, looking grouchy.

"Songkit's coughing," Berrypaw said, her eyes wide.

Spiderwillow immediately began to check him. "He's got Greencough," she meowed, sounding exhausted and almost scared. "And so does half the clan. We have plenty of catmint, but this is the worst Greencough I've ever seen."

Berrypaw felt her heart sink. She swallowed hard.

The next few days were the hardest days of Berrypaw's life. She treated sick cats with Spiderwillow, trying to keep them alive as best she could. She was exhausted, especially because of her nightly visits to Russetfeather, which had become brief, shortened by her being awoken in the middle of the night to cats coughing in the medicine cat den. Songkit was weak, and barely clinging to life. Berrypaw watched Brightpaw, Stonepaw, and Ashclaw fade away under her care. Even Songkit was beginning to fade. He barely recognized her anymore when she padded over to treat him. She constantly went searching for more catmint—they'd run the old patch into the ground. And to make matters worse, at every turn Spiderwillow snapped at her. Berrypaw's family was falling apart before her eyes, right when she needed it most.

Russetfeather was the only thing that stayed strong, the only thing she could count on.

Berrypaw padded weakly to sit in the opening of the den, trying to block out the weak coughs of the cats behind her. She smelled like herbs and illness, and she felt like she'd been run over by a monster. Spiderwillow was out of camp, gathering more catmint. The cats seemed to be getting better, so it was a precaution.

As she breathed in fresh air, Berrypaw realized just how exhausted she felt. She padded back inside and curled up in her nest. _I'll just take a small nap. Just for a moment,_ she thought, closing her eyes…

* * *

"Russetfeather?"

"Berrypaw."

They touched noses.

"Have you asked? About being reborn?" Berrypaw meowed. "I need you more than ever."

Russetfeather lowered his head, not meeting her eyes. "I…I tried, Berrypaw, but…they said there's no way."

Berrypaw shook her head. "There has to be some way! I just know I can think of something, if I put my mind to it—"

"I'm going stop meeting you."

"What?" She felt a jolt in her gut.

"You need to focus more on real life." His voice was pained, and he wouldn't look at her. "We can't be together. We both know that."

"No! You—you can't leave! I need you!"

But she was jerked out of the dream by Spiderwillow's voice.

"Berrypaw! Get up, NOW!"

"Wh-wha?" She mumbled, blinking her eyes open, her heart aching, burning, _hurting_. She needed to go back and talk to Russetfeather, she needed—

"Stonepaw's dead." Spiderwillow's voice was somehow both heavy with sorrow and sharp with anger.

Berrypaw's stomach lurched. "No…but…he was getting better."

"Apparently it just looked that way," Spiderwillow snapped. "Weren't _you_ treating him?"

Berrypaw heard the accusation in her mentor's tone and felt sick. "Yes, but—but I—"

Spiderwillow turned away with a lash of her tail. "Don't waste your breath, Berrypaw," she hissed darkly.

Berrypaw's eyes stung, and her throat felt clogged. Her whole body was shaking. She turned and ran, fleeing the den, fleeing the camp. As she ran, raindrops began to fall, pelting her, sliding down her fur, soaking her, chilling he to the bone. She turned her face to the sky and blinked the rain out of her eyes.

 _"Why?"_ she screamed. _"Why? StarClan, why?"_

There was no answer.

 _"Russetfeather, please! I need you!"_

She stopped running and curled into a ball, her stomach churning, sobbing. "Please," she whispered.

But there was still no answer.

Everything had fallen apart. Her family was broken. And StarClan had abandoned her.

* * *

For moons, Berrypaw lived in darkness, loneliness, cold emptiness. Every night she rushed to sleep, hoping to dream of Russetfeather. But he never came. When she closed her eyes, she could picture his green eyes, so sad, begging her to understand.

 _"You need to focus more on real life."_

She heard his voice, saying it, over and over.

 _But you are my life!_ she'd scream in her head. _I can't live without you!_

He never answered, of course. Because he wasn't really there.

She helped Spiderwillow nurse all the cats back to health. She even taught Songkit which herbs were which (he'd made a miraculous recovery, and wanted to help out). He remembered them all easily.

Spiderwillow didn't speak to Berrypaw much. She was tense and curt, and focused on healing the cats. Berrypaw felt as though she were getting sick herself—but not with Greencough.

One evening, after the others had gone to sleep, she sat in her nest, weak and empty.

Spiderwillow's voice kept floating into her mind, telling her what to use an herb for, reminding her a million times. Berrypaw wanted to scream at her to go away. She didn't care about those things anymore. Darkflame had been wrong. She wasn't meant for this path. But she stopped, and she listened to her mentor's voice.

 _…Only when a cat is in great pain and suffering…_

She closed her eyes, for a moment and then stood up, swallowing hard. She began to pad slowly and deliberately toward the herb stores. She needed Russetfeather. She couldn't bear to live without of him. It hurt too much. But Russetfeather was right. They couldn't be together. They were separated by life, by death. But she could fix that.

 _If Russetfeather can't come to me,_ she thought, _then I'll go to him._

* * *

Spiderwillow awoke the next morning to the chirping of birds, and no coughing. She quietly purred. The cats were finally well enough to leave the den.

 _I never could've saved so many without Berrypaw,_ Spiderwillow thought. She began to feel a peculiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. She shook it off as she stood and stretched her paws. _I need to apologize to Berrypaw. I shouldn't have snapped all those days ago. Stonepaw's death wasn't her fault._ Guilt, she decided. That was all she was feeling.

"Berrypaw?" she meowed, looking around toward the herb stores.

And that was when she saw the apprentice, smears of red in her fluffy white fur, her face buried in the nearly-empty store of death berries.


End file.
